"Unplanned Parenthood"

A snippet from Ladies Against Feminism:

Describing a pregnancy as "unplanned," in contrast, draws no moral distinctions except one of self-actualization. Does this baby fit into your goals? Did he make a previous appointment on your schedule? Is he meeting your current perceived needs? If not, then clearly you have a problem. If he is, then there is no question of the morality of your actions. With "planning" as the primary concern, babies cease to be ends and become means.

Means to what? Lots of things: keeping up with their friends, patching the void in a marriage, gratifying their own egotism. Maybe particularly the last, judging from the ads in childbirth magazines for various products to "Give Your Child The Edge."

The "planned" distinction also drives a further wedge between sex and childbearing. Chances are very, very slim that the people involved didn't know where babies come from; yet they evidently expected that they should be able to indulge in a portion of a physical pleasure without accepting the natural consequences.

We call people who try to indulge in food this way bulimic. And in food, we naturally recoil from the concept. Yet when it comes to sex, our culture unthinkingly accepts it. Food exists to be chewed, swallowed, digested, and transformed into energy. Sex exists both to create children and to form a permanent bond between the couple (who are thus ideally positioned to raise the children they have created). Do we really think we can deliberately hack one piece out of the process and not upset the entire workings?

And sometimes, of course, babies happen despite all our "plans."

I've seen what happens afterwards, years later; the mothers sitting together, one whispering with the tiniest edge of resentment in her voice, "Of course, this one was a big surprise." The child may be ignoring the dull adult conversation, but have they really never picked up on the attitude?

This is less an argument against birth control than it is an argument for the regarding of children, no matter how young, as valuable human beings in their own right. Sometimes guests arrive when we weren’t quite expecting them, but we still treat them graciously.

Planning is, of course, a good thing. I’m all for it. I like spreadsheets. But for those of us who have opened the door to the possibility, planning should be for the babies, not of them. Make plans for guests to drop by, but don't greet them with the announcement that you would have preferred it if they hadn't come.

Bravo! Well said Karen Richmond of LAF!